in limbo

our gimik sa baywalk last community module. well, community med na nman and im really looking forward to it!!!

posted by: cleng at October 26, 2004 07:19 | link | comments (1) |

yey!!! able to really write in this journal, as in really write. walang nagmamadali.

boy, was i in a really bad mood last night. ewan ko ba. sinumpong na nman ako ng something that i cant really define at the moment. i wouldnt talk to anyone because i can be really cranky and create insignificant fights and tampuhans. it was like everyone who talked to me flared my temper a little notch higher. hehe me and my moods. one of the things why i dont like being a girl. but one more reason to be grateful for extremely patient people who love me, and take these things as part of my normal self.

still thinking.

and still a mess, i suppose. i dont know why i cant bring myself to pray instead of contemplating hours on end. jm and i talked last night sa ym. we are both going through the same thing. i suppose many of my friends in church are. we hardly see each other because we are always running off, trying desperately to finish our responsibilities. and there is never enough time. i cant remember the time when life was simple. and im still a student. but fortunately, God has never left me through the years. what grace he gives, helping us haul each day even though sometimes we are so tired to even throw a glance in His direction. i guess that's what holds us together, for my girlfriends and me. the comfort of God's presence and the silent strength it gives. m still trying to get myself in track, back to the old me. i attended nav's first bday party last sunday and i really i miss talking to my church friends. but life does not always permit that. hay.

posted by: cleng at October 26, 2004 07:11 | link | comments (2) |

here's what i have to say to the people not being very nice about my journal: whatever you're doing is not going to affect me. im not goin to change anything and im not stopping doing what i want. because really, im not doing anything wrong. and im not afraid, lalo na ngayon.

posted by: cleng at October 22, 2004 19:23 | link | comments |

MALL 168: thrift shop heaven. Naku, greenhills? Taob!!! I was able to buy 6 pairs of gorgeous clay earrings-like those white flowers I wear that was first sold at Kamiseta- for only 30 pesos. Then I got this necklace for only fifteen pesos. The catch is, if buy 6 pieces or more, certain really good accessories, you can get for as much as 8 pesos. Ang galling sobra. Watches? 75. and that hair iron that is sold sa greenhills ng 200? 75 lang. pati curling iron 100 lang. I cant wait for Christmas to come kasi I wont have to have a huge budget to buy presents for all my friends!!! Yey!!! Lapit na nman gift giving time!!! I love the festive feeling of everyone handing each other presents, lalo na sa school. O well, too early for that. Pero kahit na, you have got to check out that new mall sa divisoria. Maloloka ka.

posted by: cleng at October 22, 2004 19:19 | link | comments |

Its very painful for me to even think about losing someone I love dearly. I was reading a Danielle Steele novel awhile ago, but I had to stop because I was crying again. Somebody in the story died because of bone cancer. These overly dramatic moments have got to stop (which I blame entirely on the soap opera Hiram). If I tell Oliver that, he would again shake his head and tell me im being too emotional nowadays, and maybe I am. Maybe I have attached myself and loved too much a person that the mere thought of losing him frightens me enormously. But I know perfectly well that I cant hang on to things and persons forever. And I know if im constantly afraid of losses I would miss out celebrating the beauty of life. Thus, the last emotion that I would always feel whenever I get these emotional bouts would be a huge dose of gratefulness for having wonderful things like fun, laughter, and love fill my life in big amounts. God has been tremendously good and faithful.

posted by: cleng at October 22, 2004 19:19 | link | comments |

so many things i still have to learn (medical and non medical), and i realized i need a lot of help and wisdom from my family , friends, and loved ones. i have to communicate with them and tell them things that i know i cannot settle myself. so many things...so many things im still scared of. and from where im standing, i know im still a mess and i need to iron out a lot of issues. its a hard journey, and i know that there are hard choices that i have to make. i pray that i will be brave enough to make the right ones, and that the choices i have made and believed to be right is what God wants me to do. ive been out of tune with God ever since med began, and it tears me apart to have to balance things, because at times i cant. but i know that God wants me to keep trying. and i will because i love Him. but everything is so far from easy.

posted by: cleng at October 17, 2004 19:36 | link | comments (1) |

dizzizit!!! the final non sem break of my life. 3rd year first sem just went by in a blur, but with a lot of good memories, slacking moments, and a whole lot more. so now im going to spend time sleeping, and well, sleeping. hehe the luxury of unlimited sleep. at syemps, try to catch up in my journal writing. this time i can go on and on about my thoughts without having to worry about an unread chapter before the bell rings. welcome me back guys!!!

posted by: cleng at October 17, 2004 19:23 | link | comments |

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