in limbo

happy holidays everyone!!! so how was it?

christmas for me was ok, pero not the way i really expected. life can really take you by surprise huh?

...didnt get to attend christel's annual birthday dinner. and didnt get to attend our high school party too. arrgh. sometimes i can be a bad friend. had to help out with the family dinner the next day. sori friends. i feel bad. really.

...i heard that one of my classmates from high school took her life last dec. 22. hay, so sad. i wasnt that close to her before. but i think we really were friends. i have her baby pic. its sad because a lot of my classmates used pick on her a lot in high school (and i would be lying if il say i did not join in at times or laugh), and i dont know if weve contributed to her misery. i asked why she did what she did, and my friend said nobody knew. i wonder, is it really true that nobody knows, or is it that nobody would like to admit? so sad

...sometimes i think too much about things and i end up hurting myself. i cant blame past experiences and people. its all my fault i guess. i made the decisions whether its wrong or right. i cant say i regret everything that has happened to me though. it made me the person i am now. but sometimes, bad memories of my past wakes up and messes with my brain. i just hope i can open up about things and i would be able to explain why i sometimes act a certain way. im too scared. i scare myself real good with my thoughts. i hope i dont scare other people

posted by: cleng at December 26, 2004 15:50 | link | comments (1) |

hey check out my pics... http://cleng.fotopages.com. you can find it in my links too.

posted by: cleng at December 24, 2004 14:58 | link | comments |

I welcome new members to my family- my ninjas. I have two of them, cold blooded, dark and slow, almost adults when they walked into my life. They are still shy and afraid of me, but I hope that as time passes, they will develop with me a very long and intimate relationship. That you will grow old and be the very ninjas that we want you to be. Cea and jeki, thank you for being ninangs to this pair. May you be channels of care and love, and give guidance to them (or at least give me money for food!) I hope I can take care of them for a very long time. Daddy and I are so proud. We couldn’t want anyone more. Welcome.

posted by: cleng at December 21, 2004 22:06 | link | comments |

More often it’s the couples who are sending out gifts together, like Joanne and Dachi, Rommel and Eve. But this time, ever so sweet jeki gave a scrapbook for me and my handsome. She said she gave it for us to store our wonderful memories together. I am truly grateful for her for celebrating with us this wonderful experience that I wish would go and on. Today, I opened my first ever couple gift. Maybe I am in that place, you know, things that I only dream about before, but the relationship is truly worth celebrating in the first place. I had such a wonderful year and for the nth time, I will say and will never stop saying that God is good and faithful. I hope years like these would just keep coming.

posted by: cleng at December 21, 2004 22:06 | link | comments |

i miss my handsome.

posted by: cleng at December 20, 2004 16:43 | link | comments |

got a huge dose of pms today. feeling unloved kahit hindi nman. feeling down kahit wala nmang reason. im trying hard not to pick a fight. stupid hormones. they wash you down with all these irritated moods. do i hear guys complaining? let me give you a cupful of these things. then we'll see whose fickle.

posted by: cleng at December 20, 2004 16:07 | link | comments |

hope you like it guys!!! i do....pero hirap talaga pag bano ka sa computer

posted by: cleng at December 19, 2004 22:36 | link | comments |

sori guys, for the lack of entries these past few days. iv sort of lost the feel of writing. plus ive i havent got my hands on a decent computer that allows me to make paragraphs and make my entry look presentable.

what has been happening these days, you ask?

for the first time in the history of me, i finished my christmas shopping a lot earlier than i expected...thank God for allowing people to create that wonderful mall called 168....my classmates for teaching me to be a DV diva... for my handsome for bearing repeated trips there despite traffic and long hours, not to mention the weight he has to carry( which are mostly my purchases anyway)...for the extra hours in the community module. but still, still not feeling christmas yet. baka kasi busy this week, hard to believe one week nlang vacation na. ang bilis no? time really goes by in a blink. and speaking of presents...

these are the things i want for christmas..at this moment (you know how we are somehow programmed to be fickle)

...with red and green para feel na feel

1. a digicam- hay, medyo imposible yata yan clarita

2. a complete set of all the sex and the city episodes- my ultimate christmas wish!!!! pls, kahit d niyo ako bigyan kahit na sabihin nyo sakin kung saan makakabili nun i will be eternally grateful

3. a new bed and portable cabinet- why, you ask? para d na bibili mom ko for my apartment next year

4. new pair of sandals- can you make it 2? flats para kahit saan and a more classy heeled type for nights...and dates

5. 3 kilos of gummy candy- i miss stuffing my face with these...remember that candy corner craze first year college (ako)?

6. a trip to the beach-kahit not right now cause its freezing, pero i havnt seen any shore and sand for a long time now. somebody take me to el nido or boracay or even puerto...and give me 2 beach outfits na rin

7. the lastest harry potter book- or kahit lend me nlang, suddenly remember i havent read that. if you're going to give me a copy, might as well give me the whole set (d nman ako demanding ha)

8.cd of joss stone- grabe i have longed for this pero d pa rin ako nakakabili...

i met up with kiko last week...missed the guy. alam kong sobrang away kami these past few months but miraculously, we got along. kwentuhan pa kami about stuff. i remembered how we were super tight way back in college. havnt caught up sa mga kwento since then.

alam niyo ba that its possible pala (wow, so arte) to really get along with someone and not fight at all (except sa mga ultimate stress moments that you cant really help it)? grabe no, never thought of that, much less experienced it...until now. ronnie said sa kanyang testimonial that im quite a handful (along with other stuff...binuking mo ko dude!!!!), but surprisingly i can hold myself in control of certain bouts of emotions. it depends with the person, i guess. some people really deserves your patience, trust, and understanding. i dont know if i am, but im blessed to have someone who treats me as such.

posted by: cleng at December 11, 2004 20:03 | link | comments (2) |

i ask my self.. why hide? i answer...its not about hiding, its staying private. its about finding peace with intimate moments. i found myself appreciating that nowdays, and im glad people respect that decision. but when things get better, you become proud of what you have. you find yourself feeling like the luckiest person in the world. fireworks exploding and the surroundings bursting into song. rainbows and shooting stars and true romance. things like that happen too seldom nowadays to stay quiet. i so love what i have. life has been good. and where it takes me, i cant wait to find out.

posted by: cleng at December 03, 2004 22:10 | link | comments |

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